Turn Off Your Headlamp, Belonging Stories
A story from the Tetons & A Guide to Night Hiking
The darkness was palpable.
I was holding my hand in front of my face as I could not make out the different shapes I was making: peace sign, fist, scissors. It was like playing a mind game with myself, but it was a real means of trying to understand the perception of darkness.
Just moments before, the sky went from blazing pink and orange silhouetting jagged mountain peaks and pine trees. And then suddenly, the darkness fell like a tightly knit sheet pulled over the landscape.
A zing of excitement shot through my body as I was on an adventure.
Just an hour before, I'd anticipated another solitary evening at the lodge. At this time, I had been staying at a ranch nestled between Yellowstone and the Tetons for over a week. The location between the parks was perfect, and I was finally fulfilling a bucket list dream.
Wyoming has always been a powerful draw for me and is a state that has the timeless spirit of the Wild West.
In a small region, it packs some of the planet's most remarkable wonders from peaks, super volcanoes, roaring rivers, glacier lakes, the list goes on. It’s truly insane, and you can spend a lifetime exploring Wyoming.
It was a Saturday at the ranch where the restaurant was slammed with tourists coming freshly out of Yellowstone.
As a routine, I was standing in line for a table when the hostess who recognized me called me forward.
She said: “For one?”
Me: “Yes” as I smiled crookedly knowing I felt slightly uncomfortable eating night after night alone. It’s something I never get too comfortable with when I solo travel.
Suddenly, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to a man with braids, who had looked like he had not showered for weeks. He was smiling at me.
Him: “You are alone?”
Me: I hesitated. I sometimes don’t like to answer this honestly. Mostly for safety as a solo female traveler because you never know. But, we are in a restaurant, so f*** it). “Yep, it’s just me”
Him: “You shouldn’t sit alone. Come sit with me and my friends”
Part of me was relieved as I trotted over to their table. I took a deep breath not knowing where the interaction would lead. As we approached the table I saw a girl waving and another guy turn shyly as I got closer.
I sat down with strangers.
My new braids friend introduced me to the others. Everyone had a unique name and they were kind, warm, and Yellowstone river raft guides. One of the guides was an Idaho hunting and climbing guide in the fall, the other lived out of his van full time bouncing from park to park, and the other decided to leave her 9-5 to explore something new out of life.
We were all different. Yet, we shared the same spirit for adventure.
There is always this grey area of etiquette when asking seasonal workers, nomadic people, adventurers, etc. certain questions about themselves (and vice versa, what I share). The world tends to make quick judgments based on a few bullet points.
For example, I feel judged in regards to where I grew up.
I tend to avoid sharing that I am from Los Angeles or that I work a corporate job as an Engineer. I want to allow people to get to know me without initial labels or perceptions. So, I have become an expert at diverting when asked: “I grew up in SoCal, lived in Tahoe, Colorado, on a farm… Wait did you say you have a dog, I love dogs, what kind?”.
It’s not a malicious, misleading or a fake tactic.
People want to be recognized for who they have become and by their adventure identities. Not by bulls*** bullet points of what makes a human “successful” such as where are you from, what do you do for a living, etc. It’s amazing what we gather / judge from that list: wealth, values, success.
That’s my side tangent. Back to the story.
After the meal, I felt fulfilled with human interaction, and I yearned for the time with my new friends to not end. I was not ready to go back to being a solo traveler. As we walked out of the ranch, I slowly trailed behind the group and suddenly, one of the group members proposed we should go to the secret hot springs.
“Heck yeah”, I screamed inside.
My favorite part of traveling is when people have enough trust in you to share their favorite or secret spots. That is a true gift and it completely changes how you go from visiting a place to growing a connection. Note, we always implement safety protocols with strangers. Safety is never a guarantee. But, if you are a solo traveler, always take precautions and listen to your gut when meeting people (link to article).
I jumped in my car, and followed the group down a winding dirt road where we parked at an unmarked trailhead. It was dusk and getting dark quickly where I preemptively put my headlamp on. I felt frazzled as it was becoming darker. I didn’t know what to bring and the group was ready to go. So, I stuffed in my bag bear spray, granola bars, why the f*** am I grabbing a book? Slammed my car door, and took a deep breath.
Let the adventure begin.
We walked towards the forest, and initially, the group was quiet. They were listening, and sensing the darkness filling in around us. Crickets and frogs chirped at different tones, the wind blew as the leaves clapped together, and the crunching of our sandals scraped on the moist gravel trail. Crunch* The world was alive around us, yet there was an eerie stillness brought on by the night. It felt like a shockwave through out my body, and I started to feel uneasy by the darkness. So, I turned on my headlamp.
The guide next to me shot me a look as if I had done something wrong.
Him, “Are you afraid?”
I blurted, “Heck yeah, I just met you, your friends and we are walking in the forest alone and it’s really dark!”
He chuckled. “Fair, but I want you to trust your instincts and ask yourself why are you afraid of the darkness.”
I thought, “This guy is insane”.
But, he was right. Do we ever ask ourselves when we are afraid, why we are afraid?
No. Not unless you have mastered this as a practice or intention.
Plus, if you are in real danger you want to rely on instinct versus “gee wiz, should I be afraid that a grizzly bear is right in front of me?”. We are wired biologically to initiate a fight-or-flight response when we sense danger. But, I’ve started to notice in my life when I feel real danger versus figment. Alex Honnold, who I would consider an extremist when it comes to addressing fear has a powerful take that has changed my life.
"I think about that all the time in airports, because I have to travel quite a bit, and you see people who are stressing at the airport, like, 'What if I miss my flight?' Dude, who cares. You're not going to die. You're going to get on the next flight. Your life is not going to change if you wind up six hours late. That's the kind of stress that's all in your head, not a real physical danger. It's different from being on a big wall where a mistake could have serious consequences." - Alex Honnold
I have challenged myself to define my physical fears versus perceptions. There is always risk in every day of our lives, but I don’t want to live a life where I am afraid of things that will not hurt or kill me. So, walking through the darkness…
I took a deep breath and leaned into the ultimate trust fall with strangers.
I was trying to evaluate my fear threshold and the guide supported me by saying, “Keep your headlamp on if that makes you more comfortable”. The group knew the trail like the back of their hand and skipped and laughed through the darkness. After a few miles, we came up to a flowing river that was knee-deep.
The first guide went first and then stood in the middle to help people across. It was my turn and I slowly stepped in. The cold pierced throughout my body, it was exhilarating. As I walked in deeper, my feet slid on the rocks and you could feel the river pulsing throughout each step towards the other side. I slipped and the guide grabbed me.
We both began to laugh and then, I turned off my headlamp.
When I made it to the other side, the stars began to awake and flicker as an atlas to our destination. We walked through an open field of tall grass and the dense trees and darkness began to fade behind us.
Him: “You’re not looking up when you are walking”
Me: “What do you mean”
Him: “The more you look down, the more you are not able to take in your surroundings and be aware of what is happening around you”
I felt a little perplexed and then realized he was right. Damn, I hike all of the time watching my feet.
Him: “Watch. Look at my torso and move your knees higher. The more you walk with your chest up and strong chest and higher knees the less you will look down”
At that moment, that man changed how I hiked forever.
We finally reached our destination and it was a dream. Multiple pools of natural hot springs along the river with no other human in sight. Steam rose from the ground as it rose to the nighttime sky filled with a motherboard of stars. Everyone ran towards the springs while tearing off their clothes. We jumped from pool to pool and then the flowing river next to us. There would be moments of silence where the sounds of the river and wilderness night sang to us as we took in a moment that I never wanted to end. But, it was time to go back.
We went the same way we came, but I was different.
I walked with my head up, I turned off my headlamp, I did not slide on rocks in the river and my grocery list of fears went away. For another week in Wyoming, I grew as an adventurer, I became a strong night hiker (yes, this is a practice) and I went on more adventures with my new friends. My biggest takeaway from this adventure
We tend to focus on a world of fear. What happens when we refocus on what is possible?
Over the past few years, night hiking has transformed from something I used to fear into one of my favorite adventures. It took practice (seriously), but now it's something I’ve embraced and love. There are always risks in everything we do and there are inherent risks of night hiking. I wanted to compile some advice for beginners and experienced hikers looking for new techniques and considerations in getting outside more at night.
A Guide to Night Hiking
Don’t you love when someone from your camp turns to you with their headlamp and blinds you while eating a hot dog? I don’t, lol. While bright lights are useful for emergencies or trail running, harsh white light can hinder your night vision / gaining perception of your landscape. Our eyes are amazing and you would be surprised how reliable they are in darkness!
I learned ways to minimize artificial light and let natural light, red light, etc. guide myself into night hiking more. Here are some tips and trips on dark adaptation to help you see the best night time landscapes, wildlife, and stars.
Step 1, Connect with the environment: By hiking at night, you're deliberately reducing your ability to use your vision to navigate. This gets you to focus on your other senses, especially your hearing, which can put you more in tune with the environment around you (wildlife, other people, natural features). Take time to take in your environment and listen in silence for a few minutes before beginning your adventure.
Step 2, Optimize Your Night Vision:
Adjust slowly: As mentioned above, full adaptation takes up to 45 minutes. So, take it easy, hangout outside the car, and stall a little before hiking. You want to go in comfortable. Sometimes I don’t have 45 minutes, so I try a minimum of 15 minutes.
Avoid using artificial light: Even a quick glance resets the clock on gaining your night time perception. Ask others to dim their lights or look away if you see headlamps, etc. Some times I gauge the people I am with their tolerance for night hiking to determine if we will need headlamps or not.
Use peripheral vision: Try a soft, wide gaze versus looking at specific things in the darkness. Apparently the human eye is better with a wider gaze in darkness
Step 3, I Need to Use My Headlamp, What Do I Do?
Necessity: Only use artificial light when necessary (checking maps, gear, etc.)
Choose red light: Red light preserves night vision better. Practice using red light.
Use low brightness: Use adjustable settings to conserve battery and avoid over-illumination.
My eyes! Stop shining in people’s faces: I am that person sometimes, but I try to mostly utilize red light or turn my headlamp down.
Step 4, How do I start night hiking more?
Sunset hikes: Start with a sunset hike for motivation and begin to slowly ease into dusk hiking. I slowly increased my capacity by staying out longer until I was fully night hiking
Full moon hikes: This is also a great entry into night hiking and beginning to become more comfortable with turning off artificial light
Familiar trails first: Do trails you know! It’s less disorienting and practice makes perfect
Be wildlife aware: Research local animals that are nocturnal, in that area, etc. A lot of times the fear is what if I can’t see an animal without a headlamp? I take the same precautions that I do day hiking (bear spray, making noise on trails, staying in large groups, etc.)
Slow down: Tripping hazards, breaking an ankle, one wrong step is real. Slow down and intentionally step. I also like to wear ankle protected hiking shoes on night hikes since I tend to trip a lot and want to avoid injury as much as possible
Organize your pack: Keep essentials accessible in your backpack to avoid using lights. Packing is my downfall, so this was really helpful
Inform someone of your plans: For this adventure, I texted three people my location and told someone at the restaurant / ranch who was familiar with me where I was going. Always tell someone when to check in with you and roughly your hiking plans. I don’t care if you 56 or 26, you always do this even if you have service
Cheers to more night hiking. I hope this article inspires an adventure 🌙
Songs:
Come My Way, Blue Noir, Lipless
Here is the full The Belonging Project Playlist on Spotify